What You Say Is What You Said -James 1:19

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I had an interesting conversation with a friend recently. Friends are allowed to have disagreements and still be friends. Right?

I love my friend. They are special to me. We have a loving relationship. And the truth is friendships have STUFF. If you can’t survive a little stuff you probably don’t have much of a friendship anyway. Just sayin.

My friend said I did something and I had no idea what they were talking about. This something they said I did wasn’t a bad thing so there wasn’t anything negative going on here, it’s just that they said I did something and I hadn’t done it. I had no idea they were saying one thing but meaning another.

My friend felt when they used a word that didn’t describe what I actually did that I should have known what they meant. I should have known them well enough to know what they meant.

Pump the brakes and pump them hard; slam on them!
I don’t read minds.
I don’t even want to read minds.

But this is a cause for a pause. I’m a fairly good listener. I try not to put words in people’s mouth. What you say is what you said. And I’m not going to try and tell you what I think you meant by what you said. What I am good at is saying what you said back to you most times verbatim.  I can do that because I’m listening.
I may ask you what you meant but I’m not going to try and tell you what you meant.

I’m reminded that James 1:19 is good for us all.

If your thoughts get jumbled in your head (I’ve had several say that happens to them) and what's coming out of your mouth is not what you intend to say don't blame it on your friends. They don't know what you meant all the time.
OR if  you’re speculating it’s best to slow down. Just slow down.
Instead of making a statement it may be best to ask a well thought out question. And in case you’re not clear on what it means to speculate it means to form a theory or conjecture about a subject without firm evidence. It’s forming an opinion or conclusion on the basis of incomplete information.

Here’s James 1:19 NIV:
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,

What you say is what you said.

You see this dialogue between me and my friend happened because they were speculating. They assumed I was present in a moment and heard something I didn’t hear. And when they said what they said I should have known what they meant. In their perception I was “acting funny”.
I'm not about that "acting funny" life and I thought my friend would know me well enough to know that. You see what I did there?

This is how friendships and relationships of all kinds become messy. They think I should know them well enough to know what they are talking about when what came out of their mouth wasn’t what they meant and I think they should know me well enough to know I don’t have ability or desire to try to read their minds to know what they meant…..
See how quickly things can become utterly ridiculous?

What you say is what you said.

This is also one of the reasons why the Word of God cautions us that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks (Luke 6:45). Slow down. Listen.  Think before you speak. If you don’t know the details or if you have incomplete information I suggest gathering information vs speculating.
What you say is what you said.

This is one of the reasons we are seeing an all time high in breakups. Breakups in friendships, marriages, business partnerships’ all kinds of relationships are breaking up and poor communication is a major underlying cause. Notice I said underlying, I mean you do have an option to stop and iron it all out. You don’t have to let miscommunication or lack of understanding break up a relationship. It’s a choice.

Be quick to listen.
Be slow to speak.
Be slow to anger.

Just remember, what you say is what you said.